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From: Firehair3 AT aol DOT com
Date: Sat, 21 Dec 2013 18:29:41 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Seasonal Cut Backs
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Love it,

Merry Christmas , all.

In a Time of Universal Deceit —Telling the truth Is a Revolutionary Act
George Orwell

What we accept, we teach, Our decisions impact not only ourselves,
but all with whom we come in contact.

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done f
or others and the world remains, is immortal. ~Albert Pike

In a message dated 12/21/2013 2:18:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
sbramson@bellsouth.net writes:

After careful analysis, my friend, Uncle Chuck, has determined that
effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented
in the 12 Days of Christmas subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced
the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance.

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.
The positions are, therefore, eliminated.

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French. {well. almost everyone}

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail
system with a call waiting option.

An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how
often and how long they talked.

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the board of directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious
metals, as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose
per day was an example of the general decline in productivity.

Three geese will be let go, and an upgrade in the selection procedure by
personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will
be a good one.

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better
times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order.

The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby
enhancing their outplacement.

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward

Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring or a-mulching.

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will
be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the
expense of international air travel, prompted the compensation committee to
suggest replacing this group with 10 out-of-work congressmen.

While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are
significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

11) and 12) Eleven pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming is a simple case
of the band getting too big.

A substitution of a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no
uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses.

Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over 12
days is inefficient.

If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorneys' association seeking
expansion to include the legal profession (i.e., 13 lawyers-a-suing), a decision is

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive;

should that happen, the board will request that management scrutinize the
Snow White division to see if seven dwarfs are really necessary.

Above all, WISHING YOU & YOURS and all of our friends on these lists A

And as we say in South Florida, "Deck them halls with matzoh balls!"

The Railroad Station Historical Society maintains a database of existing
railroad structures at: http://www.rrshs.org
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